I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
