If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
