So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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