I am puke
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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