Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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