12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
