If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize