just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
