before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
