haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
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Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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