What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
