I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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