I think I won the penis lottery.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
