I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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