when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
