i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
