i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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