So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
