I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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