so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
