dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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