keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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