I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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