You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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