Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
