false alarm. still invincible.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i want to swaddle you in tequila
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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