Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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