we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
