I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
