I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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