I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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