yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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