Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I deserve this hangover.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
