I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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