He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
