I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your cock deserves a montage
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
