Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
