He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
