I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
