mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
