I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
