I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
