He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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