...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
