I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
