fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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