So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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