No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
