Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
