mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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