oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
