If i come over, it means nothing
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
