somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
