Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
