i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
