No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
