so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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