so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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