There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
