i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
