i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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