Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Even my vagina gasped.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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