i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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