Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
