So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
