I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
