Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My life is pants optional.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
