I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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