I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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