I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
