i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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