just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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