i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
