You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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