Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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